How the expectations of Family and Marriage make me feel 30 instead of 20

Lately I have been noticing the ever-growing pressure for people in society to marry and have children. While this may seem to be way out in left field, it makes a lot of sense if you know the things of importance that have been happening in my life as of late.

1. My close friend Stephanie giving birth to her baby boy, Hayden. Readers of my blog will already know of this, since I have already posted an entry about this. Stephanie is only a few years older than me, and she is already a mother (granted the pregnancy was a surprise, not planned).

2. Two of my friends from high school got married. I went to the ceremony with my friend Jessica and my mother and sister. We happened to see several people we knew from high school, and as Jessica put it, it felt very much "like a high school reunion." Although the ceremony was beautiful, the bottom line is that my two friends are now husband and wife.

3. I've been very involved in my two best friends lives right now, as both of them go through different personal crises (don't know plural of that word, and don't have style book handy). However, this has just further brought to my attention that they both have boyfriends, while I don't.

After spending some time with one of my friends last night while she waited for her boyfriend to get out of a meeting, I went to Wal-Mart, with the indescribable need to spend money. (I ended up spend $140 on crap I didn't really need to buy for myself but had to have anyway.) I found myself spending the majority of my time in the home furnishings section, planning what my future home would look like once I moved out (which is lightyears away, Mom). As I turned a corner I ran into a friend from high school that I hadn't seen since graduation. He had grown up a bit (can I just say, whew), now sporting a beard. We sat and visited in the aisle, and I asked him what he had thought about our mutual friends' wedding (as mentioned above). He said what I now believe is exactly how I feel: "It just made me feel really old."

I'm 20 years old, so it was only two years ago that I graduated from high school. In fact, two years ago this time, I was in a great relationship, I was moving to Tulsa for school, and I could see the possibility of getting married in less than five years. Now, two years later, I have no boyfriend, I live at home again (in my parents' pool house, though, which is like my own place), and I definetely can't see myself getting married in the next decade. The problem with this is that due to circumstances around me, I can't help but feel that I'm supposed to be trying to change all this. Today, as I drove around town (by myself), I noticed at least three different guys driving in economic cars with baby shades on the windows. Not just any guys, though; young, cute guys, who couldn't be much older than I am (in fact, I'm pretty sure a friend used to date one of them). After running into my friend last night (who was then carted off by a girlfriend, maybe) and seeing all the Mr. Moms that are my age, I decided that I needed to vent some frustration. I know that everything I am doing is fine, and it really doesn't matter to me if I have a boyfriend or not, so long as I am happy, but I think it's safe to say we've all been here before.